Four Years As A Family

Another year has gone by...too fast.  Incredibly fast really.  Four years ago today I was in a tiny orphanage in Que Son, Vietnam, seeing and holding my baby for the first time.  I still remember being amazed at the fact that not only was Petunia able to smile (I'd seen nothing but solemn faces in the photos I'd received while waiting for travel approval), but she had two teeth.  And a little later that day, we became family.  I'll never, ever forget the specialness of it all!

I think of Petunia's Vietnamese mother more on this day than any other day of the year.  Mainly I think it's because it was the day that her tiny baby girl officially became my daughter, too.  There's a bond that will be between the two of us always, and her name is Petunia.  There's another reason, though.  I don't think I've ever written about it here, but I have mentioned this to a few of my friends.  That day, when we were leaving the orphanage to go to the G&R, I felt the presence of someone special.  The hair on my arms and on the back of my neck stood up, and I remember looking around to see who was watching us.  Of course, there were people around looking at the group who was obviously from out of town, but they weren't the ones I felt.  While there's no way to ever know, I absolutely believe Petunia's Vietnamese mother and/or a close relative was watching, catching a glimpse of the person who would become a forever mother to her baby, and silently saying good-bye for the last time.  I believe that it's very likely that Petunia's Vietnamese mother didn't just leave her baby at the orphanage and walk away those months before.  I believe that she continued to see her or at least keep up with her in some fashion until four years ago today.  I also believe that people associated with the orphanage knew who she was.  It was such a small town...

I'm not saying that there was anything wrong with Petunia's placement with the orphanage or anything else.  I pray that wasn't the case at all.  I'm simply saying what I felt then and what I still feel today.  Petunia was loved.  I'm absolutely certain of that. And I also think she was watched over. I hope that's the case. I only wish that I knew who and where her Vietnamese family is.  It's funny (or pathetic really) that when I began the adoption process I was hoping I wouldn't know anything about her Vietnamese family.  I remember telling myself it would be easier for everyone.  That didn't last long.  Well before I received my referral, I remember praying that I would have some information to pass on to Petunia someday, as well as the possibility of finding family members in the future.  I regret that I have nothing for her.  I wish much health and happiness for her family that lives so far away, and I pray that they can feel how much our child is loved.  A part of Petunia will always belong to the beautiful country of Vietnam and her family there. I'm just so very honored and grateful to have been blessed with this child that I love with all my heart.

It's not been an easy four years, but the rewards...oh, the rewards...of getting to be the mom of my sweet and spicy girl make life worth living.  I'm sure there are many days when she'd like to trade me in, but she hangs in there with me and I know she loves me very much.  Oh, that reminds me of a conversation from a few days ago.  Petunia said something (again) about me being her forever mom, and then she asked if she was stuck with me.  This wasn't looking good.  I told her that I was afraid she was definitely stuck with me, and she said, "Good!  Because I'm so glad I'm stuck with you."  You know, sometimes it all works out okay. 

I've been under the weather the past few days, but I was still going to get a few photos of Petunia for today's post.  Yeah, well, sometimes it all doesn't work out okay.  She did not want her picture taken.  I'm hoping tomorrow is better and I can talk her into a smile or two.

I love my girl. I love my family.  My cup runneth over.